The value of speech

(adapted from Swami Paramarthananda’s lecture) 

Like intelligence, the faculty of speech is also unique to the humans.   In fact, these two faculties of intelligence and speech make the humans superior to other beings in creation and it is found that the speech organs are well developed in primates almost to the level of humans but their intellects are not developed to appreciate the faculty of speech. They are handicapped by their low intellect levels which prevents them establishing inter-connectability between thoughts and words that is necessary for verbal communication.   If we take the other extreme where intellect is well- developed but not the faculty of words, then also there will be a problem as each one will be an island of knowledge with no means of sharing and communicating.  Therefore, both “intellect” and “speech” are important for verbal communication and intelligent use of the faculty of speech makes not only one’s life happy but also that of others around him.  For that one should take care of the following five areas:

1)    Information sharing (IS)

2)    Acknowledgement

3)    Appreciation

4)    Consolation

5)    Connection

One can remember these five with the acronym “ISAACC” (Newton).  Let us see them individually:

1)    Information sharing -

When one plans daily activities it is wise to share information with the concerned persons, especially if it is family members, who will be impacted by it.  Putting others in mental agony or distress is also himsa and it should be avoided.  So it pays to share information or update information, always so that others, especially family members, will have an idea as to what to expect.  Even if one wishes to visit any of one’s friends, keeping them informed in advance giving the time and duration and maintaining it, also comes under this.  Information sharing is part of ahimsa, the greatest dharma.

2)    Acknowledgement –

Important messages one sends by registered post with acknowledgement due and feels relieved and relaxed when the acknowledgement is received back duly endorsed. The same principle can be used in direct communication.  When one is talking, one has no clue how the other listens. For listening and registering are mental jobs; and the mind is an invisible instrument.  As the communicator works in darkness, as it were, there is a stress and strain to him as to whether the message is understood, especially when it is an important one.  As a listener, one can do a service here to allay the fears of the communicator just as one signs the acknowledgement card of the registered post, acknowledge through facial expression and/or body language the receipt and understanding of the communication. This applies even to criticism as acknowledgement is not acceptance.  When one realizes through acknowledgement that criticism has gone home, the tone and volume of criticism will come down and this is especially true in close family circles like one’s spouse.  One need not even respond or reply to an emotional outburst but a simple acknowledgement can make a big difference.  That is why in counselling sessions husband and wife are made to listen to each other for half an hour or so, without interrupting or reacting while other speaks.

3)    Appreciation –

Everyone loves appreciation whether they deserve it or not. Not only love it, but seek it as well in every way.  It is nourishment for internal personality and children will grow well when they are regularly appreciated.  Therefore, one must liberally use the organ of speech for appreciation when one comes across any good conduct or deed and be always on the lookout for anything positive to commend.  Pleasant words of appreciation makes people happy and helps them grow internally.  Therefore, never hesitate to appreciate where appreciation is due, especially in the case of family members thinking they are just doing their duty. No doubt, it is not right to go after appreciation, but it is the duty of everyone to offer appreciation to others even for an atom of goodness.

4)    Consolation -

Words of consolation are a massage for the mind, though not a cure for emotional or physical pain of a person.  Words of consolation can give a mental relief in suffering that one is not alone in suffering.  Consolation is words of sharing other’s pain. It acknowledges that one is aware of pain and that one shares the pain. It should not be used for advice or adverse comments and certainly not for fault finding.  Shared pain is pain relief and must be part of one’s regular activity.

5)      Connection –

To maintain any relation exchange of words are required.  On these occasions one must try to avoid all uncomfortable areas. When speaking, one must keep in mind the comfortable topics and uncomfortable topics for the listener and steer clear of “touchy” subjects that is likely to lead to arguments and conflicts as this will weaken a relationship instead of reinforcing it, defeating the very purpose of communication. So, always try to talk of pleasant topics and subjects in which both are comfortable.  The objective of any communication must be “connecting conversation”.

Finally, if one uses the organ of speech intelligently it becomes an ornament that makes one popular in any environment.  There are two kinds of people; those who give happiness wherever they go and the other who give happiness whenever they go away.  One must use the faculty of speech intelligently to qualify for the first category and make one’s life and others’ around as well, happy. 

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