The value of silence

 (adapted from Swami Paramarthananda’s lecture)

The difference between materialistic approach to life and spiritual approach to life is that in the former, one totally depends on external conditions and events, while in the latter, one also focuses on the internal conditions to enhance the quality of life besides external conditions.   The disadvantage with dependence only on external conditions is that there are numerous constituent elements on which one has little or no control.  In contrast, when one works on internal conditions, there are things one can change or improve and there is potential for inner growth.  The scriptures talk of one internal faculty that all are endowed with that helps one grow internally and this is the “faculty of silence”.  Silence is an extremely effective faculty which the saints and sages have to enrich their spiritual wisdom.  Silence is called “maunam” and maunam is for inner refinement and spiritual progress that can change the quality of one’s life.  There are three different principles to follow if silence is to be effectively used for inner growth.  Let us see them one by one.

1)    Learn to spend some time in solitude and silence

In modern times, with the advent of cellphone, talking has become an addiction.  There is a need to be alone with oneself and not interact with anyone or the world. So it is worthwhile to spend some time in solitude and solitude does not mean going to the forest.  It can be any set-up where one cannot talk or need not talk, as in long walk by oneself without a cell phone which is physically beneficial as well.   In solitude, the body-mind that is the instrument of transaction ordinarily, becomes an object of experience.  So, from being an instrument it becomes an object of experience and one learns to confront one’s body-mind with maturity.  Immaturity to handle one’s own body-mind breeds the feeling of ‘’Loneliness”, that gives rise to fear, depression, and frustration in the mind which in turn drives one to addictions with its adverse side-effects.  This is more so in the case of old people who are saddled with a lifetime of experience and not many to share their thoughts. So “silence and solitude” is also a prescription for ageing with inner maturity and one can practice silence in solitude as in meditation or/and as in long solitary walk, regularly.

2)    Practice to listen more, letting others talk more

One can be in the midst of people and still practice the faculty of silence. The benefits are manifold:

a)    When one listens more, one is practicing silence and not the power of speech.

b)    Further when one listens, one doubles the happiness of others, if they are happy and halve their sorrows, if they are in pain.  Listening is a psycho-therapy and empathy for the others, if they are distressed or distraught.

c)    By listening to others, one can learn a lot even without going through experiences.  Listening to others without interrupting other’s speech is a vocal discipline. It takes a lot of “self-control” to listen to the  views of someone else especially when they are contradictory.  Listening without interrupting is one of the toughest spiritual exercises in self-control. Lord Krishna sets an example for listening without interrupting and for offering advice in the first and second chapters of Gita where he listens to Arjuna’s lectures patiently and only after Arjuna stops, putting down his bow, He starts talking and only after Arjuna surrenders as disciple, He starts his advice.

       3)    Learn to avoid speech traps through silent listening – 

a)    Monologue trap - Everyone at one time or other experiences a pressure of thoughts bursting to come out in their minds and they try to relieve them by talking.  The mind is loaded with experiences gathered over a period of time waiting for an outlet. This one should only unload only to an interested and willing listener.  And any time one has this urge one should ensure that it doesn’t extend more than 3 or 5 minutes.  One should always bear in mind that violating someone’s time and energy causes twin sins:
1) Himsa: Talking to a person ON and ON is himsa; we must ensure that he has time and mood and energy to listen. Otherwise, it is himsa, a great sin.
2) Asteyam:  One has no right to misappropriate someone’s time without his permission. This amounts to robbery and robbing someone’s time is “astheyam”.

b)    Gossip trap - In a party, socializing, marriage etc. where there is no constructive agenda, it becomes an ideal ground for gossip. Gossip is always juicy and entertaining; but it is Dus sangha. So don’t participate gossip talk in such places, trying to leave as early as possible without offending the host.

c)    Argument trap - It is a big trap and also the cause of many a spiritual downfall. When any discussion turns into an argument, learn to observe silence for arguments strain relations. Arguments produce heat rather than light as people caught in this mind frame tend to win their point of view by hook or crook.  In an argument no one listens; so avoid falling into this trap.

d) Emotional trap - When one is emotional it is not the occassion to talk.  Emotions are disturbed state of mind; a turbulent mind frothing with negative emotions like anger and frustration.  One may blurt out; that may cause serious damage to a relatioship.  One should take precaution not to converse with anyone, when in the grip of a whirlpool of emotions.

One must use silence effectively and escape falling into any of these four traps, besides adopting the other two practices to reap the full benefit of silence for one’s emotional and spiritual health.

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