Hinduism and Family life

(adapted from Swami Paramarthananda’s lecture)

 

In a Vedic society, family is the basic unit which means Veda gives great importance to family life.  According to the Vedic vision, the Vedic family is designed in such a way that it can fulfill all the human puruṣhartha - dharma, artha, kama and Moksha and can also transform a human being.   To put in Swami Chinmayananda’s language, transforming the animal-man into a man-man and man-man into a God-man. This is possible, if one follows a Vedic life.

Veda says that desire for a partner, desire for getting progeny, and desire for raising a family is an intrinsic desire of all living beings, including human beings. This is the fundamental universal aspiration or desire, which is called artha-kama-iccha. Therefore, family-life fulfills the first fundamental and universal desire of a human being for artha and kama. But Veda doesn’t stop there.  Veda further points out that if we use a family life, only for artha and kama, there will be no difference between animals and humans.  Therefore, family-life must be utilized to convert one from a mere animal-man to a man-man through raising one’s mind through dharmic activities.

Veda prescribes several dharmic activities for the grihasthas to bring about an internal transformation to develop values, to refine one’s mind, to remove one’s selfishness and to expand one’s mind to accommodate the entire cosmos, that is possible only by service, which come under the collective name of Pancha Maha Yajna.  They are Deva, Rishi, Pitr Yajnas, religious activities seeking the grace of God, grace of the rishis and grace of one’s ancestors, and Manushya Yajna and Bhuta Yajna, service activities.  These are designed to reduce one’s ahamkara, mamakara, raga, dwesha, and to expand one’s mind. Not only Veda prescribes all these activities as compulsory activities, but Veda insists also that they must be done by the family members together. This is very important, because, only then, family will function as one team and as one unit.   The common minimum programme for a family is dharma and Moksha.  For the sake of dharma and for the sake of future Moksha, the family should be together as one unit and work together as one unit engaging in dharmic activities. It is the vision that is given by the Veda.

If every family remembers this and keeps dharma and Moksha as primary, then that family will complete one full term of gṛihasthasram life and the gṛihastha will get converted from animal-man to man-man i.e. from artha-kama-pradhana person to dharma- pradhana person.  According to Veda, the full term of grihasthasram means raising the children to become healthy, responsible, well-educated adults. In the Vedic society, getting the children married also was considered as part of grihasthasram term.  When that much is accomplished, then grihasthasram life is completed. 

Veda also offers a beautiful program for those who are interested to grow further after completing the responsibilities of the grihasthasram.  Because man-man to God-man is the ultimate growth. For that, Veda offers a comprehensive retirement scheme, in which one retires from professional, social and family life as well and dedicates life for only spiritual enquiry and contemplation, jnana-yoga-pradhana life consisting of sravanam, mananam and nitidhyasanam.  For this one can even change to Vanaprasthasram or Sanyasasram as retirement life-style, as an option.  When the couple, the husband and wife, decide to dedicate their lives for spiritual sadhanas only, they must look upon themselves as co-seekers in spiritual life and not as husband and wife.  Freeing themselves from social, professional and family distractions they must devote themselves to self-enquiry and contemplation.

They can also choose to stay with their children or away from them.  Only, now the role of the parents and the role of children get reversed. Until now, parents served the children, helping them to grow. Now the children have to serve the parents to pursue their spiritual life style.  It means, children have to provide all the support to the parents, nearby or far away, whatever is the type of support, financial support or maintenance of the infrastructure, or all of them.  Children should take care of them and help them getting involved in spiritual activities only without dragging them to the worldly activities.

Lord Krishna gives a beautiful guideline in the Bhagavad Gita (13 – 10,11 & part 12) for the retiree's spiritual life as: 

Asaktiranabhishvangah putradaragrihaadishu;

Nityam cha samachittatvam ishtanishtopapattishu. II10II

Non-attachment, non-identification of the Self with son, wife, home and the rest, and constant even-mindedness on the attainment of the desirable and the undesirable.

Mayi chaananyayogena bhaktiravyabhichaarini;

Viviktadesa sevitvam aratir janasamsadi. II11II

Unswerving devotion to Me by the Yoga of non-separation, resort to solitary places, lack of delight in the crowd of people;

Adhyaatma jnaana nityatvam tattva jnanartha darsanam; --

Constancy in Self-knowledge, perception of the goal of true knowledge – ((first line of 12)

    One should gradually get detached from the family, the children, the grandchildren including the spouse.  One should not be obsessed with the events that happen in the life of children and grand-children. Family obsession must be gradually dropped and with an equanimous mind one should pursue Vedanta-vichara.  One should resort to seclusion more and more, engage in study and contemplation more and more. And gradually grow into one’s own highest nature, Brahman or Athma. This is called Mokṣha-pursuit. In fact, Moksha is dropping of Self-ignorance, Self-misconception and the sense of Self-limitation through discovering the nature of Self-identity i.e. identity with Brahman as “Aham Brahmasmi”.  This spiritual sadhana must dominate the life of a retired grihastha.

     Even though, Moksha is the primary goal, there are other secondary benefits as well, and the biggest practical benefit is the ability to confront old age.  Fear of death, lot of anxiety and problems regarding health and degenerative diseases will start appearing as the age advances.  Spiritual knowledge and pursuit helps one in old age to confront them without emotional upheaval.   One who has discovered the immortality of his Self as Brahman will face the mortality of his body without worry and anxiety, with the knowledge that purpose of this body is not for enjoying worldly pleasure, but for discovering one’s immortal nature. Such a person as an active grihastha was pursuing dharma, artha and kama and as a retired grihastha, supported by children, is pursuing Moksha and will lay down his life as an Athma-Jnani.   This process is the transformation from man-man to God-man and we can say, this is the Vedic vision of an ideal family life.  

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