Tuesday, 5 March 2019

Handling sorrow

(adapted from a lecture by Swami Paramarthananda)



There is a Sanskrit verse which runs as follows:
Sukam  me  Sarvadha  Bhooyaath
Dhukkam  Maa Bhooth Kadhachana
Ithi  Ichche  Sarva  Saamaanye
Te Jnaanadeva  Sidhyathaha
May I enjoy happiness all the time.  May I not face unhappiness at any time.  These two desires are common to all the human beings and they are fulfilled thru’ Jnanam.

These two desires, seeking happiness and avoiding unhappiness, are basic and universal and are common to all human beings.  The verse itself tells how this can be achieved.  It states that through Jnanam and Jnanam only one can reach this state of happiness and happiness only.  Before proceeding to discuss how Jnanam could help one to attain this state of ‘only happiness and no unhappiness’, let us try to understand how happiness and sorrow arises in one’s bosom. Happiness arises when one goes through any experience that one would like to go through. In other words happiness can be defined as going through a wanted experience.  On the contrary one experiences sorrow when going through an experience one wants to avoid.  So sorrow or unhappiness can be defined as going through an unwanted experience.

As one probes deeper one finds wanted experience need not always be pleasant ones.  They can also be painful experiences but they are definitely loved ones. One example to illustrate this statement is mountaineering.  Mountain climbing is full of pain and tension. It is highly risky as well. Human error like a misstep or an avalanche can cause death to the mountaineer. Notwithstanding all the hardships, pitfalls, and risks, mountaineers enjoy the suffering. It is a wanted experience and so becomes happiness. Another common example is motherhood for women.  Motherhood is a painful experience involving discomfort during pregnancy, intense pain in the form of delivery and numerous hardships later in bringing up a child.  Yet most women after marriage aspire to become mothers and enjoy the motherhood when it happens because it is a wanted experience and so brings happiness.

Similarly there can be experiences which in normal circumstances can be termed pleasant and cause happiness but in special circumstances can be viewed as unpleasant and cause sorrow.  When a self-employed person with self-respect suffers a setback in business and loses fortunes and has to be rescued by the in-laws to find his feet again he does not feel happy about regaining the fortunes but feels sorry about the way it is achieved and this experience brings him only sorrow.

In one’s life, one is all the time struggling to get wanted experiences (pleasant or painful) and avoid unwanted experiences (pleasant or painful).  But even though one puts in one’s best efforts, one finds that many a time unwanted experiences impinge upon one and wanted experiences elude him. If one without getting frustrated and sinking in despair analyses calmly, he will discover the truth that only the experience happens and labelling it as wanted or unwanted is done by one’s mind only.  As the labels are one’s creation only, they are within one’s control unlike the experiences themselves which depend on many factors over which one has little or no control. So if one through attitudinal change avoids wanted-unwanted classification, one can get rid of the mental misery and accompanying sorrow. 

This change in attitude that guides one to get rid of the labelling can be achieved through Jnanam, scriptural knowledge.  Scriptures point out that the entire universe is an orderly and harmonious whole implying everything happens perfectly according to universal laws. Nothing is odd or chaotic.  Everything in creation, from the tiny microbe to the giant sun, has an assigned role to play in this universe.  One can see this from the example of childbirth. When the baby is in the mother’s womb, it gets exactly the food it needs from the mother through a beautiful, naturally well-designed connection called the umbilical cord. After the baby emerges from the mother’s womb, the umbilical cord is snapped. The baby has delicate health to regular food, food that adults consume. At that time the mother secretes milk – at the right time and right temperature containing the right nutrition with all the antibodies the baby needs to fight the diseases. It is a biochemical marvel and this happens naturally without human intervention.

This reveals that the entire universe is orderly and well-designed by an omniscient and omnipotent Lord.  All experiences of all people at all times, without any exceptions, are also an integral part of the universe. So every experience in the world is perfectly in order as part of the wonderfully designed universe and one classifies an experience as unwanted only out of emotional immaturity or out of intellectual arrogance. So one should regard every experience that one goes through as a wanted experience only, needed for one’s spiritual nourishment and growth.  In Brihadaranyaka Upanishad there is an entire section (5. 11) called Vyahita Brahmanam advising one to look upon even diseases as sadhana or tapas (meaning a wanted experience).

Fasting (on Ekadasi) and remaining without sleep (on Sivaratri) are wanted experiences that one is happy to undergo.  But fasting due to lack of food on a train stranded in floods or lack of sleep due to a noisy neighbour are unwanted experiences that plunge one in misery.  The difference is just in perspective.  If one is a spiritual seeker with Jnanam, he will consider every experience as a wanted experience and let no experience upset his tranquillity. The benefit is that there are no regrets, no resistance, and no frustration. So if one changes one’s perspective to any experience one can be happy all the time, is the knowledge to be gained from the scriptures.  With this knowledge one will accept every experience as wanted for one’s growth, and be thankful and grateful to the Lord for the experiences with the prayer “Let me consider every experience as a wanted experience especially designed by the Lord for me just like mother’s milk designed for me when I was an infant and therefore I welcome all experiences whole heartedly and am thankful to You for all the experiences”.  This is the Jnanam required for one’s spiritual growth as well as for a happy life free of sorrow. 
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